Minutes
by LoriDeux
Summary: Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you? 'Cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.


_**There comes a time **_

_**When the world gets quiet **_

_**And the only thing left**_

_**Is your own heart**_

_**-Sarah Dessen**_

-.-.-.-

6:23

She thinks she must be insane.

"…_mentally unsound or deranged; demented; mad."_

She's got all of those, too.

She can hear him outside her door, pacing the tiny hallway that leads to their bedroom, bathroom, and guestroom.

Jade knows him well enough to create a mental picture of what he must look like: tired; with his brows scrunched up in frustration and dark shadows under his eyes from the lack of sleep. She's willing to bet away her talent that his hair is loose by now, having been a victim of his wandering hands, which are more than likely stuffed into his pockets at the moment.

She hates the fact that a little part of her feels _guilty_ over it.

She hates that she loves him so much that her heart instantly constricts and aches at the mere thought of him hurting. The pressure on her chest is enough to rob her of her breath, and she's so damn tempted to open the door so she can embrace him and kiss him until all that's wrong goes away. But then she remembers why that door is between them in the first place, and that temptation and desire to let him back in is replaced by her own hurt and pride, so the door stays shut.

God, she's so pathetic.

6:43

She decides she hates every kind of time.

"_Jade, hurry up or you won't be on time."_

"_It takes time to be perfect."_

"_Time heals all wounds, Jade."_

"_Sorry, darling; you're out of time."_

"_It only hurts the first time."_

"_We'll be together for the rest of time."_

"_We weren't together at the time."_

It didn't even have the decency of being stable; reliable.

No, instead it always moved however the Hell it wanted, as if openly defying her at every turn.

She remembers how eternal Time became every time Beck was away in Canada and she was in his home, waiting for him to come back. She remembers how agonizingly slow it turned when she was in high school and anxious to find out if she'd landed a roll, similar to her present wait to see if she'd booked a job now as an adult. She remembers how it seemed to have magically sped up her Senior year, and how that speed had increased as the countdown to saying Goodbye to her friends receded.

She also remembers the two times she could have sworn it stopped: once, when she saw the boy she loved reach into his pocket to pull out a ring that would bind them together, and then again when that same boy confirmed news that broke her heart. Life-altering moments that threaten to change the course of her life in the snap of his fingers. Her favorite part about the whole thing is the similar word count: five little words was all it took to make or break the infamous Jade West, it seems.

"_Jade, will you marry me?"_

"_It was only one time."_

Beautifully twisted and ironic in a completely sick way, isn't it?

Time: what a fucking useless concept.

6:50

It's her own fault, really.

She knew the moment she saw him that he was heartbreak waiting to happen.

But the tanned skin and long hair, mixed with that damn leather jacket and wide smile had been enough to reel her in and make her believe that _maybe_ they could be together and _just maybe_ she could be happy with him and maybe, if she was _really_ lucky, that happiness would last forever.

Yeah, but then again, maybe she's just an _idiot_.

Life was nice enough to let her know since early on that Time really just gave you so many more '_maybe's_" instead of answers.

What a bitch.

7:16

She knows she's not the kind of girl that he'd originally dreamed of.

She isn't bright and bubbly and she doesn't think that everything will always magically work out just because she wishes it so. She doesn't write happy poems or sappy love songs about how she loves him forever and how she can't wait to be his wife or about how special he is to her. His parents don't fawn over her and she can't cook or bake to save her life.

No.

Instead, she stays up half the night writing depressing poetry and novels because they stop her from going insane. She drinks way too much coffee and smokes cigarettes when nobody's looking because she knows he hates it and _yes_, she writes him songs, but those don't really count because they almost always have this 'you will never break me' undertone that she really has to work on. His parents openly hate her and his brother tried to get too _friendly_ with her once so she punched him in the face.

But he told her that didn't matter. He promised her that he loved her and the only wanted her, flaws and all. He'd sworn that he was _hers_.

And, fuck, she had believed him.

7:32

The door to her room opens, and she figures Beck's finally had enough of this whole waiting game they were always playing. He looks tired and his hair's a mess, just like she knew it would be. His shoulders droop, but his gaze is determined.

She doesn't even bother hiding the glare that forms on her face at his intrusion of her personal space, wishing in vain that it would distract him from her red eyes and the dried tears that marred her skin.

"Jade," he calls her, and she tears her gaze away from his to catch a quick glimpse of the clock on her nightstand; the one beside the picture of them together and behind her engagement ring. The same ring that mocked her under the direct light from the antique lamp Tori had gifted her a few years ago.

7:34

Damn it all, the night was only beginning.

-.-.-.-

**AN: I don't know what this is. A bunch of angry rambles that make no sense, more than likely. I think I'll probably do one or two more of these to finish this off. **

**Thanks for reading, you guys are all absolutely lovely. **

**-Lori**


End file.
